sweet August

I am in big trouble right now. My friends are right, August is a very remarkable month. Personally, it has been the most awaited month since Jake and I got together. I've been waiting for this month to come because, like others, this is the time when my significant other and I could celebrate another year of having a healthy relationship. But this year is totally different. August seems to give the hardest slap that we can ever experience in our entire lives. No, I'm not just talking about our relationship, I'm talking about the things happened these past few days that ruined the days and broke the hearts of the people that are important to us. The start of this month has been full of controversies, conflicts, and unexpected things. This is definitely one hell of a month!

Don't get me wrong, Jake and I have no problem with our relationship. At least I could say that everything is smooth between us now. What made August a month to remember are the stories of the people around us and the decisions that Jake and I need to make for ourselves. This is unquestionably the toughest month of the year. I heard the problems of my friends, and I've been confused these past few days because of the things that I cannot open to just anyone, except to my friends who could definitely understand my worries. I couldn't say that I just need a moment to regain my strength and look forward again to the latter part of this month because it would definitely take our whole lives to forget the situations that we are in right now and live according to what these unexpected events brought us.

Right now, I am not in a good condition. I am physically fine, but my mind has been tired of thinking about things that I thought unnecessary, but now I feel that I need to make proper decisions to address those conflicts. Of course, I know what to do with these problems, but I still need to consider the people around me which makes it hard to decide. At first I thought everything will be as good as I imagined it to be. I thought it would be easy living my life to the way far different from what my parents showed me when I was young and innocent.

I know what I WANT to do. I know what I NEED to do either. In my situation right now, these facts are two conflicting ideas that wake me up even in the middle of the night. I know I need to decide before this month ends. No, not because 'they' are forcing me to make a decision, but because I want everything to be in the right place before I do the next action. Settled. No more unclosed conversation. Whatever happens after this long process of decision making, I am going to stand strong with what position I would choose. I know I am mature enough to be responsible with my actions. It is just a rhetorical question, but I could not answer yet.... not only because I am hesitant but because I know that I should not rush everything...specifically the very serious matters. So when the time is up and the decision making is finally over, I would be very confident with my answer... regardless of how many people would shake their heads in disappointment. But one thing is certain, when I answer, it will be forever. That moment would probably be the start or the end of something.

Jake and I are planning to go out of town at the end of the month. It will be a short vacation. How I wish we could go back to yesterday when we come back from that romantic vacation.