he said:
"you don't leave them, you store them. you write them because you want to remember them, how could you possibly move on? don't keep rage any more, just look back and continue to walk forward".
she said:
"that's easy for you to say".
he said:
"i understand you. I respect your feelings. but you're just hurting yourself".
she said:
"i'll stop when i'm done".
Showing posts with label Fictions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fictions. Show all posts
Monday, September 28, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
she lies
I'm doing nothing right now. and here i go again. murmuring about nonsense things. blankly staring at the ceiling. singing unknown songs. counting the days for nothing. becoming insane... again. and i am daydreaming... again.
I'm afraid there's something wrong with the way you look at me. You're eyes tell something different from the words coming from your mouth. and you make me confused of your actions. and scared, too. no matter how many times i see your face, i still feel the wall that can never be penetrated between us. i guess our lives have been full of lies. you're really fond of deception. anyway, I'm strong. don't be afraid to leave me in the dark when you feel like leaving. because i assure you that i can still walk even in the absence of light, in the middle of rocky and muddy road, and in the deafening silence of that damn place where you let me live for more than a century.
i hope you're not mad. that still now I'm thinking about such silly things that we have already talked about so many times before. but i couldn't sleep and my mind had been traveling to many places that i never thought existed. i fell. i ached. i bled. and now i am being hunted by the souls on that place. they are annoying.
then you would tell how much the world look nice due to my existence. and that i changed everything in this planet for you and that i can rule the world with my strength, knowledge, and determination. but you would fail to recognize my effort of doing something for others... or for you either. you are very inconsistent sometimes. i wonder where those words come from so i know if i should believe in every phrase that people could hear from you. why would you say I'm good if you think I'm really not? and why would you say you care if you're not really concern? you're killing me.
and you always hate me for thinking about such stupidity.
but i know they are all lies. i know I am just being defeated by my nonsense thoughts. my paranoia is getting worse everyday. and I'm mad that it has to ruin us every time. those moments when i know everything is real are all treasured and forever be remembered. even if my instinct tells me that tomorrow will not be the same as yesterday.
anyway, i learned to look at the other side of every dilemma. like you always tell me. now i just ignore every simple action that you do that would again make me feel different. I am used to all to all of those now. you should be proud of me. ignore my sensitivity sometimes, too. but try to analyze my problems on those moments when you know that everything does not run as smooth as it was before. i am in my highest stage of paranoia now. and tomorrow I'll be drowning.
and always remind me how important i am to you. you know, people forget. and i want to remember that kind of thing as often as possible. like i always do to you.
I'm afraid there's something wrong with the way you look at me. You're eyes tell something different from the words coming from your mouth. and you make me confused of your actions. and scared, too. no matter how many times i see your face, i still feel the wall that can never be penetrated between us. i guess our lives have been full of lies. you're really fond of deception. anyway, I'm strong. don't be afraid to leave me in the dark when you feel like leaving. because i assure you that i can still walk even in the absence of light, in the middle of rocky and muddy road, and in the deafening silence of that damn place where you let me live for more than a century.
i hope you're not mad. that still now I'm thinking about such silly things that we have already talked about so many times before. but i couldn't sleep and my mind had been traveling to many places that i never thought existed. i fell. i ached. i bled. and now i am being hunted by the souls on that place. they are annoying.
then you would tell how much the world look nice due to my existence. and that i changed everything in this planet for you and that i can rule the world with my strength, knowledge, and determination. but you would fail to recognize my effort of doing something for others... or for you either. you are very inconsistent sometimes. i wonder where those words come from so i know if i should believe in every phrase that people could hear from you. why would you say I'm good if you think I'm really not? and why would you say you care if you're not really concern? you're killing me.
and you always hate me for thinking about such stupidity.
but i know they are all lies. i know I am just being defeated by my nonsense thoughts. my paranoia is getting worse everyday. and I'm mad that it has to ruin us every time. those moments when i know everything is real are all treasured and forever be remembered. even if my instinct tells me that tomorrow will not be the same as yesterday.
anyway, i learned to look at the other side of every dilemma. like you always tell me. now i just ignore every simple action that you do that would again make me feel different. I am used to all to all of those now. you should be proud of me. ignore my sensitivity sometimes, too. but try to analyze my problems on those moments when you know that everything does not run as smooth as it was before. i am in my highest stage of paranoia now. and tomorrow I'll be drowning.
and always remind me how important i am to you. you know, people forget. and i want to remember that kind of thing as often as possible. like i always do to you.
Monday, February 23, 2009
a fake story
Thinking about those things never made her optimistic. These past few days have been very tiring for her. But she has been stressed for no apparent reason. Random images keep on flashing to her mind but she was not able to recognized any of those... until she had finally convinced herself that she needs to see a doctor. According to her personality test she is highly paranoid and histrionic. Maybe, she has totally gone insane. Good for her.
She hates everyone around her. Aside from those people who frankly said that they don't like her, she started to hate the presence of the people who keep on saying that they love her. No, it's not that she does not want a company anymore... but it's just because she had realized that these people are just the same. They would listen to her, then eventually, hate her for her opinions... and her actions. She is not depressed because she feels like nobody is willing to give her time any more, but it's the idea of wanting to escape and go to far away land but couldn't find an opportunity because everyone tries to hug her as if they know what is on her mind. They are just as crazy as she is.
She is not sick... but she often feels the pain on her head... slowly going downward to her chest... and the pain would stay there for a very long time until she could no longer stand it.
She wants to thank everyone around her, but they seem to focus only on the stories that she keeps on telling in front of them over and over again. Then she became mad... but she could not tell them for they are the important persons in her story. She became jealous of everybody's achievements but could not accept the idea so she always pinch herself every time this thought comes to her mind. They are not true... they are just part of her novel.
She always hear that phrase from their mouths, but the statement seems unreal for her. She is just being fooled by them... they are lying. She knows that, because when they told her that she is valuable, she would see the evidences of lying.. and those are often transparent... enough to make her understand everything. She has reached the period where she often feel tired and distressed... and those things made her numb of every pain that may ruin her concentration. They are all liars.... and someday, when she get the chance and energy to do what she wants, she would leave them... like what they did to her in the past. And she would never look back because she does not want to break the strong determination inside her. She will just walk away.
She hates everyone around her. Aside from those people who frankly said that they don't like her, she started to hate the presence of the people who keep on saying that they love her. No, it's not that she does not want a company anymore... but it's just because she had realized that these people are just the same. They would listen to her, then eventually, hate her for her opinions... and her actions. She is not depressed because she feels like nobody is willing to give her time any more, but it's the idea of wanting to escape and go to far away land but couldn't find an opportunity because everyone tries to hug her as if they know what is on her mind. They are just as crazy as she is.
She is not sick... but she often feels the pain on her head... slowly going downward to her chest... and the pain would stay there for a very long time until she could no longer stand it.
She wants to thank everyone around her, but they seem to focus only on the stories that she keeps on telling in front of them over and over again. Then she became mad... but she could not tell them for they are the important persons in her story. She became jealous of everybody's achievements but could not accept the idea so she always pinch herself every time this thought comes to her mind. They are not true... they are just part of her novel.
She always hear that phrase from their mouths, but the statement seems unreal for her. She is just being fooled by them... they are lying. She knows that, because when they told her that she is valuable, she would see the evidences of lying.. and those are often transparent... enough to make her understand everything. She has reached the period where she often feel tired and distressed... and those things made her numb of every pain that may ruin her concentration. They are all liars.... and someday, when she get the chance and energy to do what she wants, she would leave them... like what they did to her in the past. And she would never look back because she does not want to break the strong determination inside her. She will just walk away.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)