| Disorder | Your Score |
|---|---|
| Major Depression: | High |
| Dysthymia: | High-Moderate |
| Bipolar Disorder: | Slight-Moderate |
| Cyclothymia: | Moderate |
| Seasonal Affective Disorder: | High |
| Postpartum Depression: | N/A |
| Take the Depression Test | |
The table above is the result of my depression test which I've taken today... after I finally realized that I've been feeling restless these past few weeks/months for no apparent reason. Actually, I'm worried but not sure if this is because I have a lot of things to think about or just worried because I've been just insanely feeling worried.
Honestly, I cannot tell the problems, not because I don't want the people around me to know what those problems are but because I am not really aware of what are the things that have been bothering me lately.
Have you ever felt like talking about something to a close friend but cannot even tell what specific problem you'd like to point out until you decide to keep your mouth shut because you're just being stupid and tired of thinking what to say? So I'm perfectly insane today... Because I'm surrounded by friends and loved ones but I still feel alone. Maybe I'm afraid... I fear seeing them laugh when I say that I'm being hunted by ghosts. Besides they'll never understand so I cannot see the point of trying to talk about how depressed I am and why I am having that feeling.
I even hate myself for hating other people when they're giving conclusions why I've been acting tired, restless, or irritated these past few days. As if they know what I am going through. They would say, 'oh, you feel that way because you do this and you do that, and that's wrong, and this is right, and you must do this and you must avoid that'. Of course, I cannot blame them, they say those things because I don't say what's on my mind. See? It's just getting bigger and confusing everyday.
People would say I'm 'physically present, mentally absent' at all time, and would suggest that I'm having a problem because there's a certain issue in my life that I should not be doing or even thinking right now. B***s**t. I wish I could shout and tell them to leave me alone,.. maybe they could see the current situation, but they would never ever see the background and root of everything. I won't allow them.
I hate to see them worrying,too. But there's no way out.
Well.
I was asked if I'm having a hard time falling asleep at night... if I feel like crying for no reason at all... if I wake up in the middle of the night or before the proper time to get up... if I'm having a hard time concentrating on a specific thing... if I often feel restless... if I think that life is no longer worth living.... and so on and so forth. Well, all that things happen to me and there is definitely an explanation behind that but I would of course say, despite the fact that I respond to those questions was the "most of the time" tab in red colour and bold letters, I happen to feel those because I apparently am not aware why I become stocked in this situation.
And so, to sum it up, I'm deeply depressed. Period.
Anyway, I created a new account in other blog site. I'd like to write my other pensamientos there. I just noticed that this account is full of angst and grievances and I would like to write something else. But because I'm not mentally, emotionally, and physically okay right now, I cannot start blogging there yet. I'd like to write about anything under the sun...everything, as long as it's not personal. I want to feel free at least through writing. Free from everything.
