After the recantation of Nicole, the allegedly rape victim of an American soldier, and due to seemingly unending questions, should I answer yes to this question? What happen to Nicole may be seen as a case which evolves on the idea of woman being harassed by a man. However, if we are going to look beyond the problem, this case is more than just a battle for woman's reputation, it is a battle of race and a court war of more than just the dignity but the credibility of people who speak, support, fight, and believe to the values that a certain country and residents have been considering as pride.
For almost three years, the country became a witness of the development of this case that had become an international issue. Many people got mad, while some stayed calm with the belief that all the accusations were scripted and delivered for different purposes. From the start of this case to the departure of the allege victim, that "purposes" stayed vague.
On her affidavit dated March 12, 2009, she wrote:
I was so confused and the first thing that entered my mind was how would my mother and boyfriend react if they learn that I was last seen with Daniel Smith and that a condom was seen on my pants after Daniel Smith left the van? I was scared of losing not only my American boyfriend but the chance of living in the United States.
Does it serve a good purpose? No, I am not talking about the rape alone. In the first place, even I was not able to believe what she had been saying in front of countless cameras from the first day that this issue was disclosed. In fact, I was even questioning the credibility and the family background of this alleged rape victim... not to criticize her, but to be rational in making decisions on where to stand regarding this salient controversies. However, the rage that was developed inside every heart of educated (let me used the word 'educated' to address the people with critical judgment on these kinds of issues) Filipinos still lies on its own race.
....Nicole and her family were tired of the case, and they do not want anymore to be bothered by it because ‘there is no justice in the Philippines,’”
whatever the purpose or the underlying message of this statement is, one thing is certain... no one is credible enough to speak and ask for justice and wait for it to be served. Why? because even millionaires and rich government officials ask for justice regardless of how evident their crime is.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
she lies
I'm doing nothing right now. and here i go again. murmuring about nonsense things. blankly staring at the ceiling. singing unknown songs. counting the days for nothing. becoming insane... again. and i am daydreaming... again.
I'm afraid there's something wrong with the way you look at me. You're eyes tell something different from the words coming from your mouth. and you make me confused of your actions. and scared, too. no matter how many times i see your face, i still feel the wall that can never be penetrated between us. i guess our lives have been full of lies. you're really fond of deception. anyway, I'm strong. don't be afraid to leave me in the dark when you feel like leaving. because i assure you that i can still walk even in the absence of light, in the middle of rocky and muddy road, and in the deafening silence of that damn place where you let me live for more than a century.
i hope you're not mad. that still now I'm thinking about such silly things that we have already talked about so many times before. but i couldn't sleep and my mind had been traveling to many places that i never thought existed. i fell. i ached. i bled. and now i am being hunted by the souls on that place. they are annoying.
then you would tell how much the world look nice due to my existence. and that i changed everything in this planet for you and that i can rule the world with my strength, knowledge, and determination. but you would fail to recognize my effort of doing something for others... or for you either. you are very inconsistent sometimes. i wonder where those words come from so i know if i should believe in every phrase that people could hear from you. why would you say I'm good if you think I'm really not? and why would you say you care if you're not really concern? you're killing me.
and you always hate me for thinking about such stupidity.
but i know they are all lies. i know I am just being defeated by my nonsense thoughts. my paranoia is getting worse everyday. and I'm mad that it has to ruin us every time. those moments when i know everything is real are all treasured and forever be remembered. even if my instinct tells me that tomorrow will not be the same as yesterday.
anyway, i learned to look at the other side of every dilemma. like you always tell me. now i just ignore every simple action that you do that would again make me feel different. I am used to all to all of those now. you should be proud of me. ignore my sensitivity sometimes, too. but try to analyze my problems on those moments when you know that everything does not run as smooth as it was before. i am in my highest stage of paranoia now. and tomorrow I'll be drowning.
and always remind me how important i am to you. you know, people forget. and i want to remember that kind of thing as often as possible. like i always do to you.
I'm afraid there's something wrong with the way you look at me. You're eyes tell something different from the words coming from your mouth. and you make me confused of your actions. and scared, too. no matter how many times i see your face, i still feel the wall that can never be penetrated between us. i guess our lives have been full of lies. you're really fond of deception. anyway, I'm strong. don't be afraid to leave me in the dark when you feel like leaving. because i assure you that i can still walk even in the absence of light, in the middle of rocky and muddy road, and in the deafening silence of that damn place where you let me live for more than a century.
i hope you're not mad. that still now I'm thinking about such silly things that we have already talked about so many times before. but i couldn't sleep and my mind had been traveling to many places that i never thought existed. i fell. i ached. i bled. and now i am being hunted by the souls on that place. they are annoying.
then you would tell how much the world look nice due to my existence. and that i changed everything in this planet for you and that i can rule the world with my strength, knowledge, and determination. but you would fail to recognize my effort of doing something for others... or for you either. you are very inconsistent sometimes. i wonder where those words come from so i know if i should believe in every phrase that people could hear from you. why would you say I'm good if you think I'm really not? and why would you say you care if you're not really concern? you're killing me.
and you always hate me for thinking about such stupidity.
but i know they are all lies. i know I am just being defeated by my nonsense thoughts. my paranoia is getting worse everyday. and I'm mad that it has to ruin us every time. those moments when i know everything is real are all treasured and forever be remembered. even if my instinct tells me that tomorrow will not be the same as yesterday.
anyway, i learned to look at the other side of every dilemma. like you always tell me. now i just ignore every simple action that you do that would again make me feel different. I am used to all to all of those now. you should be proud of me. ignore my sensitivity sometimes, too. but try to analyze my problems on those moments when you know that everything does not run as smooth as it was before. i am in my highest stage of paranoia now. and tomorrow I'll be drowning.
and always remind me how important i am to you. you know, people forget. and i want to remember that kind of thing as often as possible. like i always do to you.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
to the lady who wears pink, admires Paris Hilton, and knows all the proper combination of make-up and outfits
... this is for you! no, i mean for us. because we are both woman in today's society. since we are living in a post modern world where all the things around us matter and all the simple and big things are always worthy of our attention. I wonder if you will give at least five minutes of your time to listen to this nonsense talk of a person who does not know how to wear off-shoulder clothes, hates high heeled shoes, and prefers to pay attention to politics rather than to the fashion shows on television.
I want to let you know that I admire you for making yourself attractive in spite of many problems that require your cooperation. I am glad that you are still able to buy 2000 worth of bag despite the economic crisis that the country is facing right now. Sometimes, I cant help but look at you when you are struggling to stand with confidence in a rocky path while wearing your 4-inch high heeled shoes. i want to hug you when you are wearing a backless dress when its already below zero degree outside. I am very concern with you and your health. I hope you know that.
I wish I could tell you that there are many intelligent people out there who will give you inspiration and teach you more than what you have anticipated. Those people you see on TV and those that are posted on your bedroom wall are undeniably beautiful. they are beautiful. and they are indeed influential because they are able to convince you to wear clothes that portray the exact opposite of your personality. no, i must not say that, because what you are doing right now are the things that you opted to do.
oops! don't get me wrong. i am not mad because you love those things or you admire those people. I am sad. because i know you can think more than that if you want to. you can act in a way that people will respect you. you can talk and make them listen to you. but you are just enjoying the idea that you are a woman which hinders you to do more than what is ordinary.
i may sound insecure in this article. but honestly, no. being naturally beautiful in today's society is one thing that women should be proud of. in the world of drugs, needles, and technology, we should be proud that we are able to maintain what God had given us. natural beauty.the world has been influenced with the marketers' plain consumerism and the influential demands make us think that being attractive is a necessity. you buy perfume not for its aroma but because of the affection and belonging that you may get by using it. you purchase short and strapless clothes not only because you need it when you attend to a certain event but because of the attention that people may give you once you wear it. these are all complicated. but this is the reality.
being a woman in a society is beyond the phrases that the society had taught you as you grow up. the world has been unconsciously offering answers and evidences to make you improve and stand with dignity and reputation in this constantly changing environment. beauty should be seen in every woman. that's right. you can be beautiful but you can be smart as well. don't be just a "woman" in the society. be a person with own principles and live with unbending determination.
I want to let you know that I admire you for making yourself attractive in spite of many problems that require your cooperation. I am glad that you are still able to buy 2000 worth of bag despite the economic crisis that the country is facing right now. Sometimes, I cant help but look at you when you are struggling to stand with confidence in a rocky path while wearing your 4-inch high heeled shoes. i want to hug you when you are wearing a backless dress when its already below zero degree outside. I am very concern with you and your health. I hope you know that.
I wish I could tell you that there are many intelligent people out there who will give you inspiration and teach you more than what you have anticipated. Those people you see on TV and those that are posted on your bedroom wall are undeniably beautiful. they are beautiful. and they are indeed influential because they are able to convince you to wear clothes that portray the exact opposite of your personality. no, i must not say that, because what you are doing right now are the things that you opted to do.
oops! don't get me wrong. i am not mad because you love those things or you admire those people. I am sad. because i know you can think more than that if you want to. you can act in a way that people will respect you. you can talk and make them listen to you. but you are just enjoying the idea that you are a woman which hinders you to do more than what is ordinary.
i may sound insecure in this article. but honestly, no. being naturally beautiful in today's society is one thing that women should be proud of. in the world of drugs, needles, and technology, we should be proud that we are able to maintain what God had given us. natural beauty.the world has been influenced with the marketers' plain consumerism and the influential demands make us think that being attractive is a necessity. you buy perfume not for its aroma but because of the affection and belonging that you may get by using it. you purchase short and strapless clothes not only because you need it when you attend to a certain event but because of the attention that people may give you once you wear it. these are all complicated. but this is the reality.
being a woman in a society is beyond the phrases that the society had taught you as you grow up. the world has been unconsciously offering answers and evidences to make you improve and stand with dignity and reputation in this constantly changing environment. beauty should be seen in every woman. that's right. you can be beautiful but you can be smart as well. don't be just a "woman" in the society. be a person with own principles and live with unbending determination.
Monday, February 23, 2009
a fake story
Thinking about those things never made her optimistic. These past few days have been very tiring for her. But she has been stressed for no apparent reason. Random images keep on flashing to her mind but she was not able to recognized any of those... until she had finally convinced herself that she needs to see a doctor. According to her personality test she is highly paranoid and histrionic. Maybe, she has totally gone insane. Good for her.
She hates everyone around her. Aside from those people who frankly said that they don't like her, she started to hate the presence of the people who keep on saying that they love her. No, it's not that she does not want a company anymore... but it's just because she had realized that these people are just the same. They would listen to her, then eventually, hate her for her opinions... and her actions. She is not depressed because she feels like nobody is willing to give her time any more, but it's the idea of wanting to escape and go to far away land but couldn't find an opportunity because everyone tries to hug her as if they know what is on her mind. They are just as crazy as she is.
She is not sick... but she often feels the pain on her head... slowly going downward to her chest... and the pain would stay there for a very long time until she could no longer stand it.
She wants to thank everyone around her, but they seem to focus only on the stories that she keeps on telling in front of them over and over again. Then she became mad... but she could not tell them for they are the important persons in her story. She became jealous of everybody's achievements but could not accept the idea so she always pinch herself every time this thought comes to her mind. They are not true... they are just part of her novel.
She always hear that phrase from their mouths, but the statement seems unreal for her. She is just being fooled by them... they are lying. She knows that, because when they told her that she is valuable, she would see the evidences of lying.. and those are often transparent... enough to make her understand everything. She has reached the period where she often feel tired and distressed... and those things made her numb of every pain that may ruin her concentration. They are all liars.... and someday, when she get the chance and energy to do what she wants, she would leave them... like what they did to her in the past. And she would never look back because she does not want to break the strong determination inside her. She will just walk away.
She hates everyone around her. Aside from those people who frankly said that they don't like her, she started to hate the presence of the people who keep on saying that they love her. No, it's not that she does not want a company anymore... but it's just because she had realized that these people are just the same. They would listen to her, then eventually, hate her for her opinions... and her actions. She is not depressed because she feels like nobody is willing to give her time any more, but it's the idea of wanting to escape and go to far away land but couldn't find an opportunity because everyone tries to hug her as if they know what is on her mind. They are just as crazy as she is.
She is not sick... but she often feels the pain on her head... slowly going downward to her chest... and the pain would stay there for a very long time until she could no longer stand it.
She wants to thank everyone around her, but they seem to focus only on the stories that she keeps on telling in front of them over and over again. Then she became mad... but she could not tell them for they are the important persons in her story. She became jealous of everybody's achievements but could not accept the idea so she always pinch herself every time this thought comes to her mind. They are not true... they are just part of her novel.
She always hear that phrase from their mouths, but the statement seems unreal for her. She is just being fooled by them... they are lying. She knows that, because when they told her that she is valuable, she would see the evidences of lying.. and those are often transparent... enough to make her understand everything. She has reached the period where she often feel tired and distressed... and those things made her numb of every pain that may ruin her concentration. They are all liars.... and someday, when she get the chance and energy to do what she wants, she would leave them... like what they did to her in the past. And she would never look back because she does not want to break the strong determination inside her. She will just walk away.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
unsent letter
You've been scaring the hell out of me! I wonder why you love to take risks. You have never asked me how i feel about your decisions... your actions... about everything. Have you ever said thank you to those people who love me for who i am and accepted me for what i have? No,,, you will never do that... because you have no idea how terrible my days were...how mad i am... how broken i am... and how affected my life is. I wish i have the courage to tell you. I wish i could say it to your face. so you'll know that I'm still remembering all those things. and my heart is full of hatred now. i wish you'll have the chance to know how those things affected my life, how those pleasurable moments for you turned me to be the worst person that i am now.
Where were you during those sleepless nights? those times when i wanted to tell you how bad the guys were in my dream... and how big the serpents were... and how dark the cave was. i was afraid to wake you up because i knew you would say i was lunatic. and we both hate awkward moments. You are near... i can even hear your breath and your laugh and your whispers....but no, you're very distant. I cannot hug you. I can never reach you. And I know that's exactly how you feel too.
I was wondering too if you could share your opinion when somebody broke my heart. Am I supposed to cry or should i fight back? Is it alright to tell the whole world that you're alone even if many people could still salvage you from distress? How am I going to heal a broken heart when all I could remember are the painful things that you have given me? I want you to tell me if I'm doing the right thing and I have finally found the right person. I need your opinion. I want you to say how proud you are of me when somebody told me that I am worth loving... and that I deserve all the best things on earth.
Oh yes, I understand. You can't share whatever is on your mind... because you know I would never listen to you. You know that I will just ignore you... just how you ignored me when I told you that our lives are being affected by the unfairness of society... and that our reputation have already been damaged. Unfortunately, we're not that kind of persons. We will never talk as if we are the actors in one of the most awaited films. We both hate drama. Our lives are full of tragedy... or comedy rather.
But you matter a lot to me. How I wish you have an idea how much I wanted to give all the greatest things to you and to all the people that are connected to us. You taught me how to be firm by letting me go out alone. I wish someday you'll learn who I really am. Maybe you'll love me when you discover that I'm good in some fields that you never thought possible. You'll be surprised.. and you'll be proud. Or maybe, you're going to hate me when you learn that I'm a tough person sometimes... that I gained a lot of friends but I have more enemies because I am sometimes perceived as arrogant. But a lot of people love me. They think I'm fun to be with... and they think I'm smart... just like you.
Someday, I'm going to have the life that I have been dreaming of. And I swear to myself that before I do that, I'm going to thank you for all the bad and good things that you have done for me. How I wish you will still be there to witness how good I will be... I'm going to make you feel that you have made the right or wrong decision. But you know after all this, I'm going to head my way to where I belong. And now, I must say, after what happened, you're still the greatest assets in my life. I never forget to thank you for that.
Where were you during those sleepless nights? those times when i wanted to tell you how bad the guys were in my dream... and how big the serpents were... and how dark the cave was. i was afraid to wake you up because i knew you would say i was lunatic. and we both hate awkward moments. You are near... i can even hear your breath and your laugh and your whispers....but no, you're very distant. I cannot hug you. I can never reach you. And I know that's exactly how you feel too.
I was wondering too if you could share your opinion when somebody broke my heart. Am I supposed to cry or should i fight back? Is it alright to tell the whole world that you're alone even if many people could still salvage you from distress? How am I going to heal a broken heart when all I could remember are the painful things that you have given me? I want you to tell me if I'm doing the right thing and I have finally found the right person. I need your opinion. I want you to say how proud you are of me when somebody told me that I am worth loving... and that I deserve all the best things on earth.
Oh yes, I understand. You can't share whatever is on your mind... because you know I would never listen to you. You know that I will just ignore you... just how you ignored me when I told you that our lives are being affected by the unfairness of society... and that our reputation have already been damaged. Unfortunately, we're not that kind of persons. We will never talk as if we are the actors in one of the most awaited films. We both hate drama. Our lives are full of tragedy... or comedy rather.
But you matter a lot to me. How I wish you have an idea how much I wanted to give all the greatest things to you and to all the people that are connected to us. You taught me how to be firm by letting me go out alone. I wish someday you'll learn who I really am. Maybe you'll love me when you discover that I'm good in some fields that you never thought possible. You'll be surprised.. and you'll be proud. Or maybe, you're going to hate me when you learn that I'm a tough person sometimes... that I gained a lot of friends but I have more enemies because I am sometimes perceived as arrogant. But a lot of people love me. They think I'm fun to be with... and they think I'm smart... just like you.
Someday, I'm going to have the life that I have been dreaming of. And I swear to myself that before I do that, I'm going to thank you for all the bad and good things that you have done for me. How I wish you will still be there to witness how good I will be... I'm going to make you feel that you have made the right or wrong decision. But you know after all this, I'm going to head my way to where I belong. And now, I must say, after what happened, you're still the greatest assets in my life. I never forget to thank you for that.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
unwelcome thoughts
Unwelcome thoughts have been poisoning your mind but you keep on believing in the same philosophy that people have toward life. Everyday, in every problem, people are forced to decide and solve each dilemma based on reality. This fact might bring confusion though because most people end up losing something or doing the same old things that affect their lives negatively. You learn to view the world based on what you have seen, heard, and felt during your existence and all the things that you have witnessed and done by yourself have been the constructed reality for you.
Every minute, you convince yourself that life is hard and easy at the same time. Lacking something has always been a part of life and having what you need has to be considered as a good fortune. But what if you wake up one day and you realize that the world does not move based on what you have perceived toward it? You have confirmed that the world is round and the earth is the third planet in the universe but the reality that you have constructed based on the facts that you have known for so long are not exactly the truth that you should get in order to survive. Yes, confusing.
You must agree that life can be just simple if you are going to make it as simple as possible. It means you would exist in this world based on your choices. You have the power to choose a simple or a harder life if you want. But how about the external factors? Those things that have something to do with you but you do not have the power over them are what you consider as external factors. You cannot predict if the abstract things are true unless people told them to you that they are or until you have felt that those are really factual. But before you come up with the conclusion that what you feel toward something or someone and what other people feel toward you is true, you may have gone through a lot of realizations first. Then you would confidently believe that the world is full of beautiful things. That is reality for you. Your constantly changing perception and knowledge about life have been firm to the point that you become blinded about the other aspect of the world.
What if everything that you have known for so long is not true? What if everything you see and all the things you hear are lying? What if everything that has been there exists only to deceive you? What if you wake up one morning by the noise of the real sound of music? You are surprised by the true color of your surrounding. And the words that you hear are the exact opposite of the words that have been used to you before you fell asleep. The emotion has not yet changed but these new facts tear your heart into pieces. And then you wonder where it all come from and where do all those old things go.
Finally, due to unending questions and hardships of convincing yourself, you would ask: what if everything is just a product of someone else’s illusion?
Every minute, you convince yourself that life is hard and easy at the same time. Lacking something has always been a part of life and having what you need has to be considered as a good fortune. But what if you wake up one day and you realize that the world does not move based on what you have perceived toward it? You have confirmed that the world is round and the earth is the third planet in the universe but the reality that you have constructed based on the facts that you have known for so long are not exactly the truth that you should get in order to survive. Yes, confusing.
You must agree that life can be just simple if you are going to make it as simple as possible. It means you would exist in this world based on your choices. You have the power to choose a simple or a harder life if you want. But how about the external factors? Those things that have something to do with you but you do not have the power over them are what you consider as external factors. You cannot predict if the abstract things are true unless people told them to you that they are or until you have felt that those are really factual. But before you come up with the conclusion that what you feel toward something or someone and what other people feel toward you is true, you may have gone through a lot of realizations first. Then you would confidently believe that the world is full of beautiful things. That is reality for you. Your constantly changing perception and knowledge about life have been firm to the point that you become blinded about the other aspect of the world.
What if everything that you have known for so long is not true? What if everything you see and all the things you hear are lying? What if everything that has been there exists only to deceive you? What if you wake up one morning by the noise of the real sound of music? You are surprised by the true color of your surrounding. And the words that you hear are the exact opposite of the words that have been used to you before you fell asleep. The emotion has not yet changed but these new facts tear your heart into pieces. And then you wonder where it all come from and where do all those old things go.
Finally, due to unending questions and hardships of convincing yourself, you would ask: what if everything is just a product of someone else’s illusion?
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
falling down
I really don’t want to bother him with this. But there’s an urge inside me that keeps on forcing me to say what he needs to hear. I am afraid though that he might not believe on what I am going to say and block his mind with nonsense thoughts. That would definitely ruin the foundation that we have invested in a very long time.
It’s just hard sometimes to see him in mess. I have said everything to him before but I couldn’t see the effects. Maybe he was not really listening. Maybe my opinions have no appeal to him. I wish I could say everything to him. But that would definitely hurt him. He would never understand because he has his own ideas too. And I don’t want to decide for him because that would mean invading his privacy and ruining his dignity as a person.
I just wish he would understand what I mean. My sensitivity has always been his complain. Sometimes I wonder if I influence him in a good way. But whenever something bad happens, I always come up with the conclusion that my actions have something to do with that problem. Then suddenly I would become guilty… for not warning him… for not advising him beforehand… for not enumerating the possible consequences… for supporting him with his decisions. And then I would ask myself: what really is my function in his life?
Until now, I am not certain… of what role should I play in order to be a perfect partner for him… of what should I say regarding his dilemma… of where should I stand in order not to hurt his feelings. I am certain of only one thing… there’s something wrong with the way we treat every problem. Avoidance? I don’t know. We have gone this far and we have gone through a lot of things before we reach this moment.... when everything seems perfectly normal. Both of us sworn that we won’t let each other down and we would stay strong in the future… and yes, we believed each other.
His problem bothers me. And even though he had told me thousands times already not to think about it, I can’t help myself but to look back and worry about his situation. I trust him; I just wish everything would go with the flow… in favor of him. And I pray that he would always remember how lucky he is for having a lot of people who love him despite everything.
It’s just hard sometimes to see him in mess. I have said everything to him before but I couldn’t see the effects. Maybe he was not really listening. Maybe my opinions have no appeal to him. I wish I could say everything to him. But that would definitely hurt him. He would never understand because he has his own ideas too. And I don’t want to decide for him because that would mean invading his privacy and ruining his dignity as a person.
I just wish he would understand what I mean. My sensitivity has always been his complain. Sometimes I wonder if I influence him in a good way. But whenever something bad happens, I always come up with the conclusion that my actions have something to do with that problem. Then suddenly I would become guilty… for not warning him… for not advising him beforehand… for not enumerating the possible consequences… for supporting him with his decisions. And then I would ask myself: what really is my function in his life?
Until now, I am not certain… of what role should I play in order to be a perfect partner for him… of what should I say regarding his dilemma… of where should I stand in order not to hurt his feelings. I am certain of only one thing… there’s something wrong with the way we treat every problem. Avoidance? I don’t know. We have gone this far and we have gone through a lot of things before we reach this moment.... when everything seems perfectly normal. Both of us sworn that we won’t let each other down and we would stay strong in the future… and yes, we believed each other.
His problem bothers me. And even though he had told me thousands times already not to think about it, I can’t help myself but to look back and worry about his situation. I trust him; I just wish everything would go with the flow… in favor of him. And I pray that he would always remember how lucky he is for having a lot of people who love him despite everything.
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